I was supposed to watch your six
by dbluewillow
Summary: A 1000-word character study: Working for the clandestine service is rough, but Agent 4 still finds the time to visit an old friend.


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 **Friday, 6:21 a.m.  
** **Razorback Falls**

At six in the morning, Cole was the only person around. The morning dew hung heavily in the air, with droplets forming on the grass and trees, and the sky was still a pale, indecisive shade somewhere between lavender and lilac. Here, it was quiet except for the occasional birdsong, and he could hear every single one of his footsteps plodding heavily through the wet, manicured grass.

"Mornin,' Agent 3," he drawled, dropping a bouquet on the ground. "I gotcha the big one this time, the kind you like with purple flowers, but some of them got a lil' dry overnight."

He got on one knee, addressing the chiseled hunk of granite in front of him. _Natalie Tilus, beloved daughter and friend_ , it read. _A hero_. _Rest in peace_.

"Sorry 'bout being late a day, the trains got held up," he admitted. "Happy belated birthday. I miss ya lots."

Some friend he was. He had sworn to come by every year on Nat's birthday, and just six years in, he already managed to miss it. In his head, this still counted as making the annual trip. The delay wasn't Cole's fault. He turned around, eager to leave the Falls and return to the city before somebody saw him here, when he ran into the last two people he wanted to see.

He froze, and they did, too. How the fuck did they get here so early? Did they know he'd be at the cemetery today? Cole wondered. He tried to think of something to say, some clever maneuver to scoot around them with when they broke the silence.

"Hello, Cole!" Mrs. Tilus greeted him. Her voice was warm, genuinely surprised, and exactly as Cole remembered it. She had to look up to face him—Natalie's parents were as small as their daughter. "My goodness, I haven't seen you since, well... Been almost six years, hasn't it?"

Cole wanted to drop dead. A knot formed inside his chest, and his heart suddenly felt incredibly heavy. But he knew this wasn't the sort of thing he could run or hide from.

"Didn't know you was back in the Falls. You staying at home?" she asked him.

"You needta swing by more often, big guy," Mr. Tilus added, kneeling down and placing a small bundle of violets on Natalie's grave. When he stood back up, the man barely came up to Cole's shoulders. "Let us know if you're ever in town."

Cole didn't deserve this. He really didn't. He wanted to get out of here.

"If you're not in a hurry, why don'tcha come by for lunch? I'll make you taro pie, if that's still your favorite."

He did not deserve their kindness. He didn't deserve anybody's kindness, for that matter. After all, it had been his fault. His incompetence was the reason why these two good, upstanding citizens had lost their only child. He could never make that up to them, and they had every right to hate him.

Cole managed to maintain eye contact with his old neighbors for another second and a half before guilt overcame him. He felt nothing but shame as he went to his knees and bowed to them, prostrating himself before their feet with his forehead touching the grass. He could feel the wetness of the dew on his face as he sat there for several seconds, sobbing quietly and doing his best to not completely break down in front of them.

"Hey, no! Stop!" Mr. Tilus pleaded. "Get up!"

Cole's body shook as he tried to contain himself. He fought an active battle with himself, trying so hard to both let everything out and keep everything in at once. Both sides were losing.

"Cole, sweetie, please get up," Mrs. Tilus implored, crouching down to his level. "You don't needta do this. You have nothing to apologize for."

He did not budge. Cole closed his eyes, squeezing out the tears that had not yet fallen. It should have been him instead of her, he told himself, again and again, every week if not every night. It should have been him. Not her.

Mr. Tilus went down to one knee and shook Cole's shoulder, saying, "Hey, look at me, big guy."

Cole tilted his head up, still shaking and crying, and saw Papa Tilus's concerned face. The man had gotten a bit older since the last time Cole saw him a few years back. There were more wrinkles on his brow, his hair was now more white than grey, and his eyes looked so tired. The old man grabbed Cole's shoulders, hugging him tight, and Mrs. Tilus joined in. By the time Cole realized he was being embraced, they had already let go. He looked at them with a mixture of bewilderment and defeat.

"It's okay, Cole," Mrs. Tilus said, softly. "We know why you haven't come home in so long."

"I'm sorry!"

"Don't be. We don't blame you for anything," Mrs. Tilus continued. "Cole, please look at me. Look at my face. I don't want you to hold this over yourself for the rest of your life. You deserve peace."

Cole covered his face with one hand and caught his breath. When he looked at her again, Mama Tilus was smiling, sitting cross-legged on the grass. He processed her words, which should have been a relief, but Cole was just numb, unsure of how to feel.

"You must have known that Nat was always happiest when she was by your side," Mama Tilus added, brushing a tear away from her own face. "She used to play with you instead of all the other kids her own age because she said you completed her, said you was her other half. She loved you, Cole, and I know she had no regrets following you to the very end."

"Cole," said Papa Tilus, now standing again. "It wasn't your fault."

Cole gave them both another full, deep bow, despite their continued protests.

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* * *

" _So principled you might explode,  
_ _But when you burst, who's really cursed?  
_ _Your loved ones have to bear that load._

 _It seems to you a sly attack,  
_ _But for your pains, you make no gains.  
_ _You only get shot in the back._

 _You face away, thinking me blind,  
_ _Like I don't know what you won't show.  
_ _Your love is still clear from behind._

 _How loftily you now float on high,  
_ _Suspended there in the starry air  
_ _As you drip purple passing by._ "

—Deepsea Metro Mem Cake B07, 11-13


End file.
